Who speaks French?

The next meeting of the committee seemed to come around in no time at all and once again, everyone gathered at John’s house on the Tuesday evening.

There seem to be an excited air of expectancy from some of the members during the pre-meeting coffee and chat and it wasn’t very long before John, pulled the gathering to order and started the meeting.

The first thing was to distribute the agenda. John apologised for not having got these out beforehand but no-one seemed to mind.

Agenda
1. Progress of forging links with Dives sur Mer
2. Any other business

John once again decided that the best way forward was to go around the table so that everyone got a chance to speak..

No one had actually set any specific order for people to sit, well, apart, that is, from John who had established himself firmly at the head of the table, but everyone sat in the same places as at the last meeting. Jeanette shuffled her chair and started to rise, but before she could do so, Derek had raised his hand and was speaking "Point of order, Mr Chairman"

Derek then went on to explain that he thought the agenda should read "Progress in twinning with Dives sur Mer" and not "Progress of twinning with Dives sur Mer"

John looked at Derek, quizzically.

Tony looked at Jeanette, who shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to convey the message that she didn’t quite know what was happening.

Evey looked into her little hand mirror and continued to apply her lipstick.

Derek looked at his feet in an attempt to avert his eyes from the crowd.

After a few seconds, which felt like several minutes, John, quietly repeated exactly what Derek had said, picking up his Agenda and checking it, in case it had miraculously changed since he wrote it out just seconds before anyone arrived. Jeanette scribbled furiously, although no-one knew why, as nothing had actually been said. Eventually, it was Tony who spoke, "Mr Chairman. "

Tony, actually, quite liked the formality of this way of speaking, he had been to some pretty big meetings and it was what happened there. In fact, though he had been to some of the larger committee meetings of bodies like the Department of Fish and Rural Affair’s Kent and Essex Sea Fisheries Committee, he had only ever sat in the public gallery observing what went on. But he knew this was the way to address this kind of meeting.

After a pause, while he gained everyone’s attention he repeated himself "Mr Chairman, perhaps this agenda item should be called," he paused, searching for his piece of paper. Having found it, he gathered it up and started to read " the situation we have arrived at in the matter of the proposed twinning initiative between Bourton on Sea in England and Dives sur Mer in France"

He sat, looking around the table for any response.

John looked a little bewildered.

Jeanette scribbled some more, Now she actually had something to minute she was determined to get it down accuratel.

Evey finished putting on her makeup, replaced the cap on her lipstick, folded the mirror and put them all back into her handbag.

Derek, who had sat down when Tony started was still averting his eyes but was now, nervously playing with the papers on the table in front of him.

No-one spoke

Until Evey said, " Shouldn’t that be The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland?"

John switched his bewildered look to one of total dumbfoundedness and looked questioningly at Evey, hoping she would pick up the signs and explain her comment.

She did. "Instead of England, shouldn’t it be The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland?"

Jeanette was again scribbling notes, but had now shed her single piece of paper in favour of a much larger notepad

John’s face slowly melted back to total bewilderment.

There was another pause.

John glanced at his watch. The meeting had been going for fifteen minutes already and they had got as far as discussing what the correct words were for the agenda item 1. It was going to be a long evening. No one else seemed to want to speak so John suggested that they leave the agenda item as it was and moved on to discussing the actual progress.

Everyone nodded.

John anounced "OK, Agenda item 1 – Progress of forging links with Dives sur Mer. He then signalled for Jeanette to start but Jeanette was so busy scribbling that she didn’t notice. He coughed and she looked up.

After profuse apologies, she explained that she hadn’t got very far with identifying the actual twinning organisation but had managed to come up with the Post Code for Dives sur Mer and was going to write to someone. A consideraable discussion followed before she finally admitted that she didn’t actually know who she was going to write to, but remained adamant that she had identified the post code so that when they needed to write they would be able to do so.

John turned to Evey, who pointed out that the local further education college was running an adult learning course in basic conversational French, as well as a really great course in make up and styling. There was another round of totally irrelevant chatter before John pulled everyone back and turned to Derek.

He stood and drew out some papers.

He had, he explained, found a hotel on the internet which was located in Diives sur Mer and had written to them asking if they could help with the twinning.

The mood in the room changed noticeably as, to a man, everyone congratulated Derek on his initiative. Derek didn’t seem too pleased with himself though and John, surprisingly, picked up on it.

After a lot more discussion and cajoling, Derek admitted that he had received a reply from the hotel that he didn’t really understand. It had said, he thought, something about a lot of reading.

To say that the faces on the four people listening to this looked confused would be an understatement. In fact, I would go as far as stating, not only an understatement but possibly the biggest understatement of the century, which admittedly isn’t very old at present.

Derek fumbled back into his papers and eventually pulled out the letter from the hotel. He handed it to John, who read it and concurred that it did seem to be saying something about "a big read", so, yes, presumably, it was saying they would have to read up on it.

He handed the letter to Jeanette who looked as though a letter in French was going to cause her serious injury and passed it quickly to Evey, whilst admitting that she couldn’t read French.

Nor could Evey, apparently, who simply looked at the letter, nodded her head and said that it definitely said something was big. She handed the paper back to Derek who started to put it back in his folder.

Tony, without saying a word, extended his hand and motioned for Derek to pass him the letter.
He glanced down it.

John asked if he could read French and he replied that he could read a little.

Suddenly, everyone looked delighted. They had discovered that they virtuall, had a fluent French speaker in their midst.

Tony turned to Derek and asked if he had the original letter he had sent to France.

No – he hadn’t kept a copy. It only asked if they could help with the twinning.

Tony looked up,
"Hotel Dives sur Mer regrets that it doesn’t have any twin rooms, they are all doubles"

John, who was feeling a bit exposed now, asked about the grande lit bit - the big read

Tony nodded. He had been just as bewildered as the rest, but for a different reason. Now the light was beginning to dawn on him "Hmmmmm, lit does indeed mean read and I guess I can see where you’ve got confused. But sadly grande lit means a double bed"

Everyone looked a little embarrassed.

Derek fidgeted

Tony continued. "I don’t know what you asked, but they have replied that they only have rooms with double beds".